What if people said what they were really thinking all the time? Imagine if instead of small talk, people shared a completely unfiltered version of their thoughts?
Picture it: you're waiting at the bus stop with Casual Acquaintance. You guys are going to meet up with Joe, a good friend to you and boyfriend of Acquaintance. However, you two aren’t very close, so you default to the classic small talk topic: weather.
--Waiting for the 79 to arrive at Clark Kerr --
YOU: “Wow! Look at that sky. We haven’t had a day this nice in weeks!”
ACQUAINTANCE: “Right!?”
--End of conversation--
You don't give a fuck about the weather. It's a completely average looking day. Acquaintance clearly gives even less of a fuck than you. You actually prefer when it rains, but she’ll never learn this because you're just talking to fill the time before the bus arrives. The conversation went absolutely nowhere, (how could it?) and you and Acquaintance are no closer or further apart after this interaction. Now, let’s imagine you say how you really felt.
--Waiting for the 79 to arrive at Clark Kerr so you don’t have to spend 15 minutes with Acquaintance walking to campus–
YOU: “I’m deeply in love with your boyfriend, and I have been for 2 and a half years.
ACQUAINTANCE: “What!?”
Her eyes get wide. She thinks, What the fuck is happening right now? You’re in love with Joe? I don't even think I’m in love with Joe. Why aren’t we talking about the weather?
Now, this interaction may have completely changed the dynamics of several of your friendships. You may never talk to Joe or Acquaintance ever again. But what if that’s for the better? You wouldn’t have to live in a state of longing for Joe, (who is actually gay and doesn’t want you or Acquaintance) and you wouldn't have to live with your hatred of Acquaintance for being with Joe (I mean come on, you are sooo much more interesting than her).
Does this post make any sense? This is my first time writing a blog. If anyone is actually reading this, sorry for this jumbled mess of thoughts. Sorry. Back to the point.
What I’m trying to say is, maybe if everyone was a little more honest with each other, then things would work out better. You can get your feelings for Joe off your chest. Acquaintance can tell Joe she doesn’t think she’s really in love with him. Joe can tell both of you he’s a homosexual and run off into the sunset with another man.
Okay, this definitely doesn’t make sense. Sorry. I’m the only one reading this, so, whatever.
If small talk is supposed to be about what’s on our minds, we should say what’s actually on our minds! Then all our complicated conversations wouldn’t pile up into a task you keep putting off. We could let it out slowly. Ok, maybe telling an acquaintance you’re in love with her boyfriend while waiting for the bus isn’t the best idea. But I just have a feeling if we were all a little more honest with each other, we could avoid built up resentment and work through it before it becomes impossible to even start the conversation.
Plus, we wouldn’t have to put up a facade for anyone. Let’s say someone asks how you’re doing while in line at the Dining Hall. You just failed the HIST 4B midterm, so you say “I’m actually feeling really shitty right now, so I’m going to cope by eating 7 slices of the cafeteria red velvet cake.” Maybe this ruins the mood, but at least it’s honest. I feel like animals do this all the time. No lion bothers the antelope with a “beautiful day, eh?” He just goes ahead and rips it up.
Wow. We are so far off track.
Anyway, try it out. Next time someone asks, say how you're really feeling. Let me know how it goes. Do they give you a weird stare? Good.
Write me about how it goes at wade.elliott.online@hotmail.com